My December
by Mystik Surreality
Summary: Arwen loves Aragorn, but Elrond doesn't understand. Can she make him? -One shot songfic to My December by LP-


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My December

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-A one-shot songfic. Arwen's thoughts after she says good-bye to Aragorn for what could be the last time...  
  
Disclaimer: I own neither Linkin Park, their songs, or LotR... damn... I feel poor now... I do, however, own two very bad little[ok, so one's a boxer and the other's a collie] dogs... Anyone want 'em? O.o   
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"Leave me be!" she yelled as she slammed the door once more in her father's face. She didn't want him to see her crying again. He would make it Estel's fault somehow. She leaned with her back against the door and let the tears trail down her face as they wished.   
  
Estel was gone again, on a quest to destroy the One-Ring. She feared he would not return.   
  
_

This is my December,  
This is my time of the year 

_  
  
She pushed away from the door and walked slowly to her window where shear white curtains danced on the wind, oblivious, happy.   
  
She closed her eyes and the wind traced her face, touched the tears. She held her own arms and shuddered.  
  
His last words to her rang in her ears. "It was a dream, Arwen..."   
  
She choked off a sob. She knew those were not his words. She loved him, and he loved her at least as much. Those were her father's words.  
  
_

This is my December,  
This is all so clear 

_  
  
Her father. He loved her as well, and as such she understand his wish for her to sail with her people. To escape war and grief, to save her from all that Middle-Earth caused.   
  
But Estel was here, and that was all she needed. To forsake her life, her people... this was a hard decision, and one she'd made long ago.   
  
_

This is my December,  
This is snow-covered home 

_  
  
But Elrond could not accept that. Arwen fumed. How dare he make Estel say such things to her!  
  
She closed her eyes and dashed at her tear streaked face. How could she ever listen to her father's guidance, when she couldn't feel she trusted him?  
  
She opened her eyes to let the light of the silver moon stream over her perfect face. She brought her hand to her neck, where her Evenstar pendant had hung for years. Now it protected Estel, while she could not.   
  
She hoped dearly that it was sufficient. If Estel died, a part of her would die too.   
  
_

This is my December,  
This is me alone 

_  
  
Alone. Oh, how alone she felt. Sinking into the bench at her window, she stared longingly outward.   
  
How could she manage such calm when Estel was surely facing danger? She closed her eyes and touched her arm. It burned a bit, and she feared even more deeply.   
  
She couldn't bear the thought of Estel dying alone, in the wilderness.   
  
_

I just wish that I didn't feel like was something I missed,  
I take back all the things back to make you feel that 

_  
  
Something didn't fit in her mind, and she couldn't understand what it was. Her body ached, her heart stung.   
  
She would wait. She would wait until Estel came for her, no matter how long that took. She would wait for the words he'd speak... the apology she knew he'd give her each day until his death. The one she expected but did not need.  
  
_

I just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed,  
I take back all the things I said to you 

_  
  
But, she finally realized. Estel could never understand Elrond's motives, she knew, until his own daughter felt this way. Would that ever happen?   
  
Arwen thought of all she'd said to her father in the weeks since Estel's departure, and bowed her head to them. She'd been horrible, and in retrospect, she was sorry.   
  
She'd been no better than he.  
  
_

Give it all away,  
Just to have somewhere to go to,   
Give it all away,  
To have someone to come home to 

_  
  
To give up immortality, to live like a mortal. She accepted this, to live with Estel the rest of her days. Her heart was his, and nothing could change this. To leave would only hurt them both more than anyone realized.   
  
She could never leave him, not even after his death. She'd gladly give her immortality up.  
  
Elrond didn't understand this, she knew. He never would, most likely. But this was a sacrifice of her own will, and no right let him tell her otherwise. Not love, not blood. Nothing.   
  
She'd apologize, but would not give in to him.   
  
_

This is my December,  
These are my snow-covered trees 

_  
  
She stood. Nothing could tame her now. No one could tell her not to follow her heart.   
  
Her heart would be her guide. Nothing else could be true to her.   
  
Estel might never return, she knew. It might be until her death of grief that she waited. She understood this now, and while it brought tears to her eyes and made her want to crawl into a corner until the feeling passed, she could let it pass now.   
  
She was strong enough to stand in her decision, alone or otherwise.  
  
_

This is me pretending,   
This is all I need 

_  
  
Her knees almost buckled under her as her newfound resolve disappeared. She caught herself on her wardrobe and squinted her eyes to block the pain pounding through her head. "Estel!" she cried. She knew this was his pain she felt. Not her own.   
  
"No!" she cried.   
  
The feeling passed in a moment, and she found herself sprawled on the floor. Tears streaming from her eyes as she struggled into a sitting position.   
  
"Arwen! Arwen, open this door!"   
  
She shook her head and stood. She clicked the lock open and let her raging father into the room. He immediately grabbed her in a fierce embrace.   
  
"Arwen, what happened?" he asked.   
  
She fought tears again.  
  
_

And I just wish I didn't feel like there was something I missed   
I take back all the things I said to make you feel like this 

_  
  
"Estel..." she trailed, tone too choked to say anything else.  
  
Elrond darkened. "That.. That man... He's made you into this." he growled. Arwen shoved her father away at those words.   
  
"No. You. You're the one, Father." she snapped. She hadn't stopped crying, but she was set to say what she had to.   
  
He stopped. "What did you say?"   
  
"You're doing this to me. You're the cause of my pain now, Ada [father]. You don't see!" she exploded. Her face was contorted with her rage. "I love him, and I know full well what that love entails!"  
  
Elrond burned with anger. He took two breathes and said nothing. He leveled his gaze at Arwen, who stood her ground squarely.   
  
_

And I just wish I didn't feel like there was something I missed   
I take back all the things I said to you 

_  
  
Elrond measured his daughter in those breaths. She stood proud and tall, beautiful even with the tears streaming down her face. She was strong, much stronger than he'd realized until that moment.   
  
And she was not going to give up.   
  
"Arwen..." he began softly, taking a step towards her. She retreated a step.   
  
"No, Ada. Not again." she growled. "I love you, but I don't trust you. Not anymore. I love Estel and I refuse to listen to you again. I have decided."   
  
_

And I give it all away   
Just to have somewhere to go to 

_  
  
"Arwen..." Elrond began again. But there were no words for the grief he felt, the grief his daughter shared. She took a step forward and hugged him.   
  
"I love you, Ada. Do not hate Estel because I love him, too." she whispered.  
  
_

Give it all away   
To have someone to come home to 

_  
  
He kissed her forehead, as he'd done so many times in her childhood. She closed her eyes and pulled away.   
  
"When you leave, Ada, I will not be with you." she stated firmly. "Tell Mother my love is with her." she added gently as she turned and slipped from her own room.   
  
_

This is my December   
This is my time of the year   
This is my December   
This is all so clear 

_  
  
Arwen wept as she retreated from her father's presence. Not from his pain, or her own fear, but because Estel's pain plagued her.   
  
She prayed he live, that he was still hanging on. She closed her eyes as two more tears trailed down her face. "Estel... amin mela lle[I love you]." she whispered on the wind. "My heart is yours." she added, touching her chest, right above her heart.   
  
_

And I give it all away   
Just to have somewhere to go to 

_  
  
She was not afraid of dying. She was afraid of being alone, of losing love. That was a fear that Estel could protect her from, until his last breath left him. She would be with him then, and always.   
  
She was his own, and he was her only love. They could never truly live without the other.   
  
_

Give it all away   
To have someone to come home to   
  


_ She closed her eyes as the pain eased a bit. In her mind, she imagined the life they'd have together. Children, friends, family. It all whirled around her.   
  
She smiled slightly and knew that everything was going to be fine.   
_Elendir of Rohan_


End file.
